If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
– W. C. Fields

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
– Joan Rivers

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
– Doug Larson

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
– Will Rogers

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard